Just now I was viewing an aquaintences video journal. Michael heard him talking about his fireplace, decided he couldn't be less interested, and that he should kill as many bees as possible with the garden hose.
I suggested hairspray instead.
No offense to the bees, but they swarm our heads every minute and seem impervious to all means of killing them.
Good for them, in a way. I admire strength.

I'm headed back on Monday.
I am shaking with fear.
of everything.
In fact, I can't remember being so afraid of anything in all of my adult life. I want someone to fix this; to light my way. I know I am the only one that can do that, but at the moment my vision isn't what it used to be.

Nothing is ever as bad as we make it out to be, right? Isn't that what they say?

I seem to only be interested in the Cemeteries lately.

well, there's that....

There are things I will really miss about her.
I have never shared a connection quite as deep with another person, and for a time, great needs were fulfilled by it's existence on both ends. But it's very obviously over. It's no longer serving either one of us to hold onto it.
It's hard for me to let go of people, historically, but as I age and witness the changes that take place in people and how we all absorb our experiences, each in different ways, it makes more and more sense to me to know when to let it go.
It's a death. I can't see it any other way because that's exactly what it is. And it's okay- everyone and everything passes in one way or another. It must be accepted for what it is-
The truth of all life.

The challenge for me now is to decide what I should say, how I should say- Or if I should say anything at all. Those of you that know me well know that this is, by far, the biggest challenge. I have always said, and in many ways believe, that when you end something important, you must communicate the reasons for the benefit of all parties- to optimize the potential for everyone to learn and grow from whatever experience it may have been.
However.
Some of the people I respect the most tend to remain silent. Not in all cases, but always when I needed it. I do tend to reach realizations on my own at some point, however, so it's not always necessary to slam me with reality. I'll get to it in my time. I find that the people that respect me, in general, are the ones who know when to do this.
So is it a sign of a lack of respect to speak my mind?
I suppose it depends on the circumstances.
I want to do this the right way- to be honest and not hurtful, regardless of the spite and hostility that I perceive has been directed at me, and very wrongly. This is a big deal. Really big. I want to be careful.
Fuck.
So much to fucking think about.