oh, so nervous.
there is so much happening in so many places
here
there
everywhere

I hope I have a good grip because all of this change is shaking me to my core.
maybe i'll fly out the window

You have new Picture Mail!

bedtime story.

Incus: i wants a story noooowww

X: ok!

Incus: um, pardon me but it doesn't look like you are writing me a story

X: there once was a guy who got distracted and decided to promptly write a story!

here goes haha

Incus: HA HA AH

X: there once was a boy who threw off vibrations into the upper non perceivable dimensions and fell in love with the mystery unfolding. he didn't believe in love or math and then he met a girl whose love he couldn't quantify with neurochemistry! so he made plans to fly thousands of miles to meet her latest body even though they had been intertwined since the last time the singularity exploded, expanded and collapsed in on itself again.

Incus: i like this story.

X: when he returned home there wasn't a soft body of white light to make his dopamine move and his muscle memory wrenched from having learned to hold her, his brain wouldn't sleep until it was convinced it was laying next to hers, spiraling together like the arms of galaxies colliding and falling in into them selves like 2 mirrors parallel.

Incus: that's so beautiful.

i love you.

X: i love you

Whew.

Sometimes, the decision that you have to make is the most frightening, lonely thing you can think of. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes any sense- and you think, "I have to be fucking insane. why would I do this to myself?"
But sometimes, the alternative to making that most painful choice is worse. So much worse. More of the same- and the same is slowly burning your soul. Taking the good things away from you. the same is getting worse.

When things are that way-
Take the leap.
Risk it.
You are never as alone as you think you are.
Let yourself have some lightness- even if the cost seems too great- because it really isn't.

Take it from one who knows.

I can has theremin?

Kitten Plays Theremin

yep, that's right.

mp3 downloads | Ani DiFranco MP3s

Ron is here!

Hurt Me.

From tattoo night

I got a new tattoo! she's Erzulie, sort of the mother Mary of the voodoo religion. She is an earth mother; cares for her youngins the way I try to mine. She can be a little more girly than me but I need to embrace more feminine qualities anyway. Brant did it in exchange for some photography and experience. It hurt in that area more than it did on my shoulder or ankle- ow!- but I like it.
Sandbox happened last weekend. It was a little lackluster for me. I was trying to keep myself together and not fall apart and not drink too much and not talk too much and.......the pictures show it. ah well. Next month Michael will be with me and it'll be gorgeous.
I think the planets are in a very fucked up sort of alignment lately. for the past few days everyone, and I mean everyone, has been a gigantic asshole. I'm managing so far to not suck it all in and respond in kind but the longer it goes on the harder it gets. wheeeeeee!
I'm really trying here. As hard as it is, and as humiliating as it can be, I know I'll be a better, stronger person in the end.
At least it's all worth it.
Off to the laundry.

come get it.

Yeah.