rest.

I looked for an answer today in the mail and there wasn't one. I couldn't take it anymore.
So I went online and checked-
All weeks were paid as of yesterday.
She went with me. I thought she would, but it's so hard to trust my instincts anymore, even with the dream I was given which I will tell you about later.
Everyone is so excited! I am too, but it'll take me a bit to relax.
get over the PTSD, you know.
Meanwhile, it's the weekend and we've been talking about going back to Buck Lake.

From buck lake 0709

Wait.

I hardly know what to say.
Things are moving- slowly- but they are coming together, one agonizing shard at a time. It's all about waiting, you see. Waiting for the unemployment decision, waiting for some family to see the Craigslist post about the kittens and want them. Waiting for some stranger to want something that I own. Waiting for things that seem almost out of my control.
At this point, I'm existing on the patience and interest of others. I am entirely grateful, to my very core, but I stretch for the lessons in this. There are so many.
What will happen?
How will this turn out?
Where will I be?
I can't see into the future as well as I used to, so the primary exercise is one in trust. Trust the universe, my friends, my lover, my family.
Not any easy thing for me, now that I think about it.....