Puddle Thinking

". . . imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for."


~Douglas Adams

Evans City Cemetary

For aficionados, this is the cemetery where Night of the Living Dead was filmed!

My Absence is Only Temporary.

First of all, thank you to those who have written and called, I know you want to talk to me- and I really appreciate your curiosity and concern. I just don't feel like explaining myself yet.
It's been a lot to go through, this past year.
I'll write back, I'll call, when I feel like I can talk- my own partner is having trouble getting cohesive thoughts out of me at the moment, so you are not alone.
I spent three days in bed, staring at the television and putting my brain to sleep- and it was uncomfortable after awhile. After that.  I had an epiphany- one that I thought I had long ago but must have forgotten somewhere along the way:
My life is my own. It doesn't matter what others think of me and when I accept the negative shit that they throw at me, I don't have to suck it in like a sponge. I don't want to reject other peoples' feelings as I know that what I do affects them- but I don't have to take on another's' opinion of me as my own. It's detrimental for me to do so.
I need to allow myself to live. I can't hold the thoughts of others as my law and I won't. I think that's why some people are so angry with me right now. That's unfortunate for them- because what you do when you berate someone with inherent strength is force them to ignore you.
I will do what I need to do for myself, perceive the world the way I choose, and I will make something of this life that I have- I will take opinions and advice when I ask for them, and I will try to be respectful of others. I will love the way I know. And the way that I learn to.
It's the best I can do for anyone.
and it should be enough.
It'll have to be.