My Absence is Only Temporary.

First of all, thank you to those who have written and called, I know you want to talk to me- and I really appreciate your curiosity and concern. I just don't feel like explaining myself yet.
It's been a lot to go through, this past year.
I'll write back, I'll call, when I feel like I can talk- my own partner is having trouble getting cohesive thoughts out of me at the moment, so you are not alone.
I spent three days in bed, staring at the television and putting my brain to sleep- and it was uncomfortable after awhile. After that.  I had an epiphany- one that I thought I had long ago but must have forgotten somewhere along the way:
My life is my own. It doesn't matter what others think of me and when I accept the negative shit that they throw at me, I don't have to suck it in like a sponge. I don't want to reject other peoples' feelings as I know that what I do affects them- but I don't have to take on another's' opinion of me as my own. It's detrimental for me to do so.
I need to allow myself to live. I can't hold the thoughts of others as my law and I won't. I think that's why some people are so angry with me right now. That's unfortunate for them- because what you do when you berate someone with inherent strength is force them to ignore you.
I will do what I need to do for myself, perceive the world the way I choose, and I will make something of this life that I have- I will take opinions and advice when I ask for them, and I will try to be respectful of others. I will love the way I know. And the way that I learn to.
It's the best I can do for anyone.
and it should be enough.
It'll have to be.